Sex and intimacy are usually intertwined with how safe and secure you feel in your relationship. As attachment based therapists, we see the attachment fears and longings in the relationship as intricately connected with the level of closeness and intimacy in the relationship. When couples feel emotionally disconnected, their intimacy usually suffers as well.

As our work is focused on rebuilding connection and emotional safety between partners, disconnection in the bedroom is an important issue that is simultaneously addressed. Often, what we call “The Negative Cycle’ in Emotionally-Focused Couple Therapy, impacts intimacy as well. In fact, the couple often has a slightly different negative cycle in the bedroom.

When couples begin to feel more connected, emotionally safer and bonded, intimacy can improve in tandem. If intimacy is not improving naturally, we look at the emotional cycle that is keeping intimacy stuck or dysregulated. We help couples to have open conversations about how each feels about their sex life in a way that feels safe. We encourage open communication around the issue of intimacy and during intimacy when needed.

As therapists who have a large caseload of couples, we understand that most issues with intimacy don’t have to do with biological function but with the couples’ level of safety, attachment, and communication. With that in mind, we work to address the underlying emotional disconnection of the couple, always with an eye on how the couple’s improvement is affecting intimacy.