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Premarital Counseling
Let me just start with this – all couples have issues. There is nothing wrong with you as a couple if you have fights, and if you find yourself getting hijacked into a negative cycle at times. This is inevitable and I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t. Of course, people tend to present their best selves to the world and their friends, so internal strife may not be as apparent to you in your friend group, in the media, and otherwise.
The couples who never let off steam through the occasional argument can have a harder time. Things can build up. Resentments can simmer and eventually it all comes bubbling up in a bigger argument. That said, all couples have a negative cycle or two that gets triggered during more stressful situations including commitment and marriage and especially the lack of sleep and time around having a baby. Sometimes it’s around in-laws or siblings, major changes, or big decisions.
That said, it’s a great idea to get ahead of the negative cycle by really understanding what it looks like, what triggers it, and what to do about it. This can give you the tools to handle disconnection and stress in the relationship more seamlessly and with grace. The confidence that provides for the future bumps in your relationship is priceless.
In premarital counseling, we work on identifying your negative pattern that is driven by reactivity and triggers. Then we work to distill the 0-60 reactive state into the more vulnerable emotions that are driving the reactivity. For example, frustration and anger are often driven by fear and hurt. Shutting down, freezing, or getting defensive are usually driven by a sense of feeling wrong, bad, and helpless. By getting to those vulnerable emotions, connection is often re-established, along with repair and an even closer bond than before.
We are here to help you on the journey of solidifying your bond and connection to one-another, to anticipate any bumps along the way, and to help you gain confidence in your communication. We hope to significantly increase your ability to handle misunderstandings, stress, and become more seamless at clearly asking for what you need and being vulnerable in that ask.